1
00:00:45,260 --> 00:00:46,820
Yes? Yes?

2
00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:49,000
How much is it?

3
00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:51,840
One hundred thousand pounds.

4
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:56,260
Oh, Sid, that's marvellous. What is it,
Mummy?

5
00:00:56,930 --> 00:01:00,390
Your father's just won a big export
order for the firm.

6
00:01:00,590 --> 00:01:01,640
How much for?

7
00:01:02,290 --> 00:01:03,490
£100 ,000.

8
00:01:04,110 --> 00:01:06,640
Would Daddy get anything out of it? He
gets a bonus.

9
00:01:06,641 --> 00:01:10,489
Well, that's marvellous. I must ring
Mike and tell him he can put a bit about

10
00:01:10,490 --> 00:01:11,529
in the local paper.

11
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,700
But Mike's a photographer, not a
reporter.

12
00:01:13,910 --> 00:01:17,460
Well, that's even better. He can put
your father's picture in the paper.

13
00:01:18,130 --> 00:01:19,180
Oh,

14
00:01:20,970 --> 00:01:22,020
God.

15
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:29,570
I'm home.

16
00:01:32,540 --> 00:01:35,940
I think you're marvellous. Yes, I am,
aren't I?

17
00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:37,350
I love you.

18
00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:39,170
Where are you going?

19
00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:41,870
It'll only take me five minutes to
dress.

20
00:01:42,540 --> 00:01:43,590
You are dressed.

21
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,090
Well, I thought we'd go out and
celebrate tonight.

22
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:49,790
Oh, no, no. Tonight I've got to go to
the hair and hands.

23
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:52,020
To celebrate on your own?

24
00:01:52,260 --> 00:01:55,390
Oh, no. We're arranging that outing for
the old age pensioners.

25
00:01:57,940 --> 00:01:58,990
Pensioners? Yeah.

26
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:02,990
Well, it's nice to know that I'll get an
outing sometime.

27
00:02:03,380 --> 00:02:04,660
If I can wait that long.

28
00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:08,070
We'll celebrate when my bonus comes
through.

29
00:02:08,180 --> 00:02:11,190
I've just got time for a quick drink, a
sandwich, and I'm off.

30
00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:13,420
We're doing the financial bits tonight.

31
00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,560
Well, why does it have to be you?

32
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,660
Because I'm the only one who can add up.

33
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:20,480
Well, you can't go out yet.

34
00:02:20,481 --> 00:02:21,879
Why not?

35
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:23,440
Mike and Anita are coming round.

36
00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:24,650
Who's Anita?

37
00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:27,050
Anita's the reporter that Mike works
with.

38
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,880
They're going to do a bit about you in
the local paper.

39
00:02:29,881 --> 00:02:30,889
Oh, are they?

40
00:02:30,890 --> 00:02:32,929
That's nice, isn't it? How long will
they be?

41
00:02:32,930 --> 00:02:36,300
Oh, they can't leave it too late, Daddy.
They're going to bed at nine.

42
00:02:39,210 --> 00:02:40,710
Not in this house, they're not.

43
00:02:41,910 --> 00:02:44,200
Daddy, they're going to bed with the
printer.

44
00:02:45,050 --> 00:02:47,160
That newspaper of his one's looking
into.

45
00:02:47,910 --> 00:02:49,350
It's a technical expression.

46
00:02:49,590 --> 00:02:51,570
It means the paper's ready for printing.

47
00:02:51,930 --> 00:02:52,980
Oh, I see.

48
00:02:52,981 --> 00:02:56,539
Yeah, well, I'll do my foot for a booze
if they haven't arrived by then.

49
00:02:56,540 --> 00:02:58,160
We'll have to go to bed without me.

50
00:03:01,620 --> 00:03:02,670
Go straight in.

51
00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:03,950
Is he home yet?

52
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,130
Oh,

53
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,540
Dad, this is Anita.

54
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:08,790
Anita, my father.

55
00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:12,260
And that's my mother and my sister
Sally. Hello.

56
00:03:13,580 --> 00:03:17,820
Sid. Go upstairs and put your best suit
on.

57
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:20,930
What for?

58
00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:24,370
Well, you can't be photographed like
that. You look awful.

59
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,740
He looks just as awful in his best suit.

60
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,520
Anyway, we haven't much time.

61
00:03:29,580 --> 00:03:31,930
You said right. You've got exactly two
minutes.

62
00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,340
Mr. Abbott, can I have a few brief
details?

63
00:03:35,700 --> 00:03:37,060
Certainly. How old are you?

64
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:38,570
Twenty -seven.

65
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:40,610
Six.

66
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:42,300
All right. Twenty -eight.

67
00:03:42,301 --> 00:03:46,219
Look, if he's not going to cooperate,
why don't we just forget it? That suits

68
00:03:46,220 --> 00:03:49,739
me, matey. I've got to get down to the
boozer. All Daddy cares about is his old

69
00:03:49,740 --> 00:03:54,159
-age pensioner's outing. Old -age
pensioner? And you're still working?

70
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,210
marvellous.

71
00:03:57,391 --> 00:03:59,339
I'm arranging it.

72
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:00,299
Right, Dad.

73
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:01,350
Now then.

74
00:04:01,620 --> 00:04:05,020
Just turn round, give us a big grin, and
we'll call it quits.

75
00:04:06,340 --> 00:04:07,390
Oh, my.

76
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,200
Can't you take a pretty one?

77
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:10,800
A pretty one?

78
00:04:11,220 --> 00:04:12,270
Of him?

79
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,120
Put something on the piano.

80
00:04:16,519 --> 00:04:17,719
But he's doing his pools.

81
00:04:18,380 --> 00:04:19,430
We'll compromise.

82
00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:21,320
I'll go and do my pools on the piano.

83
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,050
That's better.

84
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,150
Ready?

85
00:04:29,390 --> 00:04:32,670
Oh, what a pity that Manchester City has
had its chances.

86
00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:40,070
My house has been blighted by Sheffield
United and they can all get... Don't!

87
00:04:40,490 --> 00:04:41,540
Here we are.

88
00:04:44,461 --> 00:04:46,489
Hello, Ted.

89
00:04:46,490 --> 00:04:47,590
Hello, Sid. Come on,

90
00:04:49,190 --> 00:04:50,690
Sid. Let's get started.

91
00:04:52,510 --> 00:04:53,560
Right,

92
00:04:54,230 --> 00:04:55,280
off we go.

93
00:04:55,790 --> 00:04:56,950
Right, now then, gents.

94
00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:02,580
We propose to take 34 pensioners on the
outing at £6 .75 per head.

95
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:09,780
Right, Sir, that's 34 at £7 .50. I mean,
34 times 6,

96
00:05:09,980 --> 00:05:12,840
which is, I'll call it 35, make it
easier.

97
00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:15,060
I'll make it £229 .50.

98
00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:16,570
It can't be 6.

99
00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:18,970
What do you make it?

100
00:05:18,971 --> 00:05:22,139
Well, I don't know yet, do I? I mean,
you've got a pen and paper, I'm doing it

101
00:05:22,140 --> 00:05:22,819
in my head.

102
00:05:22,820 --> 00:05:25,860
Well, hurry up, the outing's in three
weeks.

103
00:05:29,380 --> 00:05:30,940
Sid, I'm happy with your figure.

104
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,780
No, no, no. Don't take my word for it.

105
00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:35,450
Let's wait for Trevor, the human
computer.

106
00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:39,540
I nearly had it then. I can see that.
One of your ears lit up.

107
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:43,730
There we are, Sid.

108
00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:45,340
One large double. That's right.

109
00:05:45,840 --> 00:05:48,360
Now, I make it, we're still 69 quid
short.

110
00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:53,680
Well, look, if we get another old -age
pensioner, a monk at 35, that'll do it.

111
00:05:54,560 --> 00:05:57,000
How is that going to help us find 69
quid?

112
00:05:57,830 --> 00:06:00,360
Well, it won't, but it will make it
easier to add up.

113
00:06:01,250 --> 00:06:03,960
It won't make it easier on the old -age
pensioner. Why?

114
00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:06,960
The coach only holds 34. That poor old
sod will have to watch.

115
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:33,160
abbot of Too Hard Road, seen here doing
his football pools at the piano.

116
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,610
Hang on.

117
00:06:36,820 --> 00:06:37,870
Read that again.

118
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,740
Local man wins £100 ,000.

119
00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:42,270
Export order.

120
00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:44,640
No, it doesn't mention that.

121
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,640
Oh, I do wish he'd worn his best suit.

122
00:06:48,641 --> 00:06:49,999
Oh, no.

123
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,200
They've cut the caption.

124
00:06:51,380 --> 00:06:55,320
It should read, local man wins £100 ,000
export order.

125
00:06:55,321 --> 00:06:56,799
Does it matter?

126
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,660
Yes, it looks as if Dad's won the pools.

127
00:06:59,420 --> 00:07:01,060
Well, maybe it's a good omen.

128
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:04,730
Perhaps he really will win the pool.
Wouldn't it be funny if he did?

129
00:07:04,731 --> 00:07:08,119
He won't think it's funny when he gets
begging letters and people round here

130
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,559
scrounging money. I'll get the blame for
it. Well, we worry about that when he

131
00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:12,219
does win.

132
00:07:12,220 --> 00:07:15,200
Mum, according to that, he already has.

133
00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:19,080
Oh. There'll be trouble when Daddy sees
it.

134
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,400
No, there won't. Why?

135
00:07:22,180 --> 00:07:23,340
We won't show it to him.

136
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,600
Morning. Is it in?

137
00:07:28,650 --> 00:07:30,330
My picture in the weekly bugle.

138
00:07:30,790 --> 00:07:33,910
It hasn't arrived, Sid. They forgot to
deliver it. Oh.

139
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:36,789
Well, I'll call round and I'll get one
on my way to work and I'll give them a

140
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:38,710
right mouthful. Oh, it's all right, Sid.

141
00:07:38,810 --> 00:07:40,370
Sally will pop round and get one.

142
00:07:40,410 --> 00:07:43,930
Well, provided there's one left. Yes,
quite often it sells right out.

143
00:07:44,750 --> 00:07:45,800
You're joking.

144
00:07:46,350 --> 00:07:49,000
There's only about seven people around
here read it.

145
00:07:49,590 --> 00:07:50,640
Ooh, the mercury.

146
00:07:51,410 --> 00:07:55,589
We used to until Mike started to work on
the bugle. When he gets his sack, we'll

147
00:07:55,590 --> 00:07:56,670
go back to the mercury.

148
00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:00,010
Thank you for your loyalty and
confidence.

149
00:08:00,060 --> 00:08:02,950
Well, it's a shocking paper. Blimey,
it's full of adverts.

150
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,370
Oh, there's a lovely picture of you in
it, Sid.

151
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:11,659
How do you know if you haven't seen it?

152
00:08:11,660 --> 00:08:14,060
Well, it must have been if Mike took it.

153
00:08:14,820 --> 00:08:16,700
I'll go out and try and buy a copy.

154
00:08:17,100 --> 00:08:20,290
Get two, will you, darling? I want to
take one to work and shower.

155
00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:22,540
Sally, get as many as they've got.

156
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:23,810
What for?

157
00:08:23,811 --> 00:08:26,479
So we can send them to all our friends
and relatives.

158
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,530
That's right, Sal.

159
00:08:27,790 --> 00:08:28,840
Buy up the lot.

160
00:08:29,290 --> 00:08:31,390
Try every shop in the district.

161
00:08:32,350 --> 00:08:33,610
There's two pounds, dear.

162
00:08:33,870 --> 00:08:35,750
And here's two more.

163
00:08:36,590 --> 00:08:37,640
I'll get it.

164
00:08:38,190 --> 00:08:39,610
Have you looked on potty?

165
00:08:39,830 --> 00:08:43,380
Oh, come on, Dad. For the first time in
your life, you've done something.

166
00:08:43,510 --> 00:08:45,310
And we're very excited, Sam.

167
00:08:51,850 --> 00:08:54,010
Yes, you are, aren't you?

168
00:08:56,140 --> 00:08:59,660
want to do is to congratulate him on his
good fortune.

169
00:08:59,980 --> 00:09:02,090
That's very nice of you, sir. I'll tell
him.

170
00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:07,839
The trouble is, Miss, I haven't worked
for nine years and I wondered if he

171
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,740
do something to help me. He's not in.

172
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,640
I need 20 pounds desperately.

173
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:14,250
Nobody.

174
00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,170
Nobody?

175
00:09:18,640 --> 00:09:20,570
It's a man. He came to the wrong
address.

176
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,600
Then why is he bashing the door down?

177
00:09:25,670 --> 00:09:26,720
bit funny.

178
00:09:27,130 --> 00:09:28,590
I'll sort him out. No, Daddy!

179
00:09:28,910 --> 00:09:29,960
Don't open the door.

180
00:09:29,961 --> 00:09:30,609
Why not?

181
00:09:30,610 --> 00:09:32,410
I haven't eaten for three weeks!

182
00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:38,530
He could be dangerous.

183
00:09:39,550 --> 00:09:41,840
He could only be dangerous if he's a
cannibal.

184
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:44,450
He's a tramp catching money.

185
00:09:44,451 --> 00:09:47,329
Just leave it to me. I'll give him a
couple of bob and I'll get rid of it.

186
00:09:47,330 --> 00:09:49,500
Daddy! It's all right. Don't worry about
it.

187
00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:55,460
I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but even
ten would help.

188
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:56,970
Yeah?

189
00:09:57,671 --> 00:09:59,519
What's this?

190
00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:01,259
10p. That's what you are for, isn't it?

191
00:10:01,260 --> 00:10:04,320
10p? It cost me 12p to get here!

192
00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:09,640
He is a bit funny, you're right.

193
00:10:10,180 --> 00:10:11,520
I'm going out the back way.

194
00:10:15,620 --> 00:10:16,670
Started.

195
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:18,810
Who was it, Sid?

196
00:10:19,640 --> 00:10:20,690
A nutcase.

197
00:10:21,260 --> 00:10:24,150
He asked me for 10p. When I gave it to
him, he chucked it at me.

198
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,220
Oh, well, that's all right, then.

199
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:28,510
All right?

200
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:32,719
I'll get it. If that's him again, I'll
knock him out. Sid, sit and eat your

201
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,160
breakfast. Mike can answer it.

202
00:10:35,740 --> 00:10:39,180
I wouldn't bother you, but I have these
seven small children.

203
00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:39,999
He's busy.

204
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,560
And I'm sure your father would wish to
help me.

205
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,080
He's having his breakfast.

206
00:10:44,180 --> 00:10:45,920
With eight small mouths to feed.

207
00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:47,430
But you said seven.

208
00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:49,700
Yeah, well, I just got this telegram.

209
00:10:49,701 --> 00:10:53,539
Well, I should drop him a line, and I'll
make sure he gets it. If that's what

210
00:10:53,540 --> 00:10:56,159
you think, young man, then that's what
I'll do. Thank you. Good day to you. Bye

211
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:57,210
-bye.

212
00:10:57,580 --> 00:11:01,760
Is that him again?

213
00:11:02,060 --> 00:11:03,580
No, no, it was another one.

214
00:11:04,420 --> 00:11:07,070
Another trap? Yes, but it's all right. I
got rid of him.

215
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:10,980
I don't understand it.

216
00:11:10,981 --> 00:11:14,399
I haven't seen a trap around here for
years. All of a sudden, they're coming

217
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:15,660
at two -minute intervals.

218
00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:19,430
What? I'm sorry, Dad, but I'm afraid
it's all my fault.

219
00:11:19,630 --> 00:11:20,680
That I can believe.

220
00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:24,009
But tell me anyway, why is it your
fault? Well, you see, one came to the

221
00:11:24,010 --> 00:11:26,540
yesterday and, well, I gave him a couple
of bob. So?

222
00:11:26,541 --> 00:11:28,289
Well, it's obvious, isn't it?

223
00:11:28,290 --> 00:11:29,340
They've got a code.

224
00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:32,730
Code? Yes, if they find a house that's
an easy touch.

225
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:35,770
Well, they stick a sign on the gate,
don't they?

226
00:11:36,430 --> 00:11:38,780
Sign? Yeah, and then all the others come
along.

227
00:11:39,190 --> 00:11:40,240
Oh, yes, Sid.

228
00:11:40,370 --> 00:11:41,630
I've read that somewhere.

229
00:11:42,330 --> 00:11:45,710
Have you? So, if you get any more
callers, don't answer the door.

230
00:11:46,350 --> 00:11:47,400
I got a better idea.

231
00:11:47,401 --> 00:11:48,669
What's that?

232
00:11:48,670 --> 00:11:50,410
Find that bloody sign and rub it off.

233
00:11:52,910 --> 00:11:54,650
Look, are you sure about this, sir?

234
00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:57,050
I mean, I can't see a sign anywhere.

235
00:11:57,051 --> 00:12:00,109
There must be one. I've had two tramps
around here already this morning.

236
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:01,329
Well, it's a mystery to me.

237
00:12:01,330 --> 00:12:02,380
Morning. Morning.

238
00:12:02,490 --> 00:12:05,200
Hey, you waiting to go in there to get a
few bob off him?

239
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:08,849
Yeah, yeah, that's right. If I'd known
there was going to be a queue, I

240
00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:09,900
have bothered.

241
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:11,730
Excuse me.

242
00:12:13,390 --> 00:12:14,440
Where's the sign?

243
00:12:14,470 --> 00:12:15,520
This is it.

244
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:18,870
Thank you.

245
00:12:50,380 --> 00:12:51,820
Oi, Mum, what's on fire?

246
00:12:51,821 --> 00:12:55,699
Sally's in the garden. She's burning all
those newspapers we've got with your

247
00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:59,499
father's picture in it. She's left it a
bit late, isn't she? He'll be home soon.

248
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:02,380
We've been at it all day, but it keeps
starting to rain.

249
00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:04,159
Did you get any more callers?

250
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:08,160
Seven. Three after money and four
complaining about the smoke.

251
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:12,480
Well, nobody knows it's at work, thank
God.

252
00:13:13,820 --> 00:13:16,180
That last lot won't burn. They're
soaking wet.

253
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:19,080
Well, chuck some paraffin over them. And
hurry up.

254
00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:23,410
Now what are we going to do?

255
00:13:30,650 --> 00:13:31,700
Who's the fire?

256
00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,570
I'm just burning some rubbish, Daddy.

257
00:13:33,571 --> 00:13:35,749
Everything all right, dear?

258
00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:36,349
Yeah, great.

259
00:13:36,350 --> 00:13:37,790
I'm just choking, that's all.

260
00:13:38,710 --> 00:13:40,190
And nobody said anything?

261
00:13:40,610 --> 00:13:41,660
What about?

262
00:13:41,790 --> 00:13:43,230
Your photograph in the paper.

263
00:13:43,430 --> 00:13:45,600
No, no, nobody's seen it. Did you get a
copy?

264
00:13:45,830 --> 00:13:47,390
No, Sally tried everywhere.

265
00:13:47,830 --> 00:13:48,880
That's incredible.

266
00:13:48,881 --> 00:13:51,799
Ah, well, it's probably because of our
big front page scoop.

267
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:52,799
Oh, yes.

268
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:53,960
My export order.

269
00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:56,940
No. The orgy in Putney.

270
00:14:01,680 --> 00:14:03,000
What orgy in Putney?

271
00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:08,420
Oh, you know, wife -swapping, dancing
naked in the garden. All prominent

272
00:14:09,260 --> 00:14:10,310
Anybody we know?

273
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:11,960
Oh, I wouldn't think so, sir.

274
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:13,490
It's disgusting.

275
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,230
Of course it's disgusting. But it sells
newspapers.

276
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:20,170
What about the shed?

277
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:21,620
Nothing. It's on fire.

278
00:14:22,140 --> 00:14:28,200
Well, not much. In fact, it's out now.
Oh, it will be. I can manage.

279
00:14:28,420 --> 00:14:30,320
Just a minute. Let me get out of here.

280
00:14:30,560 --> 00:14:31,680
Don't make a fuss.

281
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:34,010
Sally can manage.

282
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:36,810
Yes, Dad. She's got to learn to cope
with emergencies.

283
00:14:36,811 --> 00:14:39,799
After all, you wouldn't want to destroy
her self -confidence.

284
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,480
I don't want her to destroy my shed.

285
00:14:41,780 --> 00:14:45,660
It's only a load of old rubbish. It's
not old rubbish. It's a brand new shed.

286
00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:48,200
I think she's burning a load of old
rubbish.

287
00:14:55,790 --> 00:14:57,170
I'm coming, don't you worry.

288
00:15:00,210 --> 00:15:01,260
Chet's all right.

289
00:15:03,010 --> 00:15:04,390
Did they mention any names?

290
00:15:04,710 --> 00:15:05,760
No.

291
00:15:05,761 --> 00:15:11,149
Well, I don't see why you couldn't
squeeze another one in sick.

292
00:15:11,150 --> 00:15:14,970
I mean, it's Mrs Limburg. Trevor,
Trevor, it doesn't matter how you add it

293
00:15:15,050 --> 00:15:16,650
We were 69 quid short before.

294
00:15:16,930 --> 00:15:21,190
We've had 19 pounds off the pile of
pennies. So we're still 50 quid short.

295
00:15:21,510 --> 00:15:24,230
I wish we had a few locals.

296
00:15:24,231 --> 00:15:27,239
Wealthy residents, we could get a few
quid off.

297
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:29,470
Well, I don't know of any. Here, well,
hang on.

298
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:33,460
Our foreman read in the local paper
there's a bloke round here.

299
00:15:33,900 --> 00:15:36,000
He's won 100 ,000 quid on the pools.

300
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,840
That's the bloke we want. Who is he?

301
00:15:38,841 --> 00:15:42,899
There's nobody he's ever heard of. I
mean, he just happened to mention it.

302
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,400
Well, it wasn't in the Mercury.

303
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:46,119
Yeah, well, it must have been in a
Bugle.

304
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,590
I tried to get hold of a copy, but that
all sold out.

305
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,010
You know why?

306
00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:54,680
The nude local orgy in Putney.

307
00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,830
What's he in Putney? Right across the
front page.

308
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,750
Local residents galloping about in the
nude.

309
00:16:02,751 --> 00:16:04,839
You reckon he was one of them?

310
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,760
Who? This bloke has won the polls.

311
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:08,410
He could be right.

312
00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:10,160
This celebrity needs a win. Yeah.

313
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:14,280
Well, if we find out who he is, we might
be able to touch him for a few quid.

314
00:16:14,281 --> 00:16:17,759
Yes, but the point is, though, who is
he? It's all right. I'll get Mike to

315
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:21,169
out. Now, the first thing we've got to
do is write him a letter. Yeah. Now

316
00:16:21,170 --> 00:16:22,009
how do we start?

317
00:16:22,010 --> 00:16:22,889
Aye, sir.

318
00:16:22,890 --> 00:16:28,089
Dear sir, on behalf of the Hare and
Hounds darts team... Old age pensioners

319
00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:28,909
in front.

320
00:16:28,910 --> 00:16:33,629
We write in the hope that you can find
it in your heart to... Contribute from

321
00:16:33,630 --> 00:16:35,430
your recent windfall. Hang on. Hang on.

322
00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:38,310
Dear sir...

323
00:16:48,260 --> 00:16:49,310
Yes.

324
00:16:49,311 --> 00:16:52,659
But they can't all be begging letters,
can they? We'll have to open them all

325
00:16:52,660 --> 00:16:53,559
check, Sal.

326
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:55,360
Oh, this one's ever so sad.

327
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:56,770
They're all sad.

328
00:16:56,980 --> 00:16:58,540
You should see the one Dad wrote.

329
00:17:01,940 --> 00:17:02,990
Daddy's written one.

330
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,430
Yep, he gave it to me last night to
post.

331
00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,990
But who's he written a begging letter
to?

332
00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:09,169
Himself.

333
00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:12,430
If you can read it, then we'll burn it
with the rest of them.

334
00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:14,520
How many this morning?

335
00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:15,940
Oh, 350.

336
00:17:17,190 --> 00:17:18,589
He's not going to work today.

337
00:17:18,910 --> 00:17:21,200
Do you think I dare leave him and go
shopping?

338
00:17:21,270 --> 00:17:23,320
As long as you're back by the second
post.

339
00:17:24,849 --> 00:17:26,959
I've done quite well this morning,
Mabel.

340
00:17:26,990 --> 00:17:30,050
Yeah. I've got 75 quid out of that
premium bonds winner.

341
00:17:30,570 --> 00:17:32,770
Yeah. I should be home for lunch.

342
00:17:33,850 --> 00:17:37,520
Oh, let's start with a bit of smoked
salmon and then one of your soufflés.

343
00:17:38,510 --> 00:17:39,590
Yeah, it won't be long.

344
00:17:39,650 --> 00:17:42,480
I'm going to pop off now and have a go
at that pools winner.

345
00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:43,870
Yeah, the one I wrote to.

346
00:17:44,470 --> 00:17:45,770
Abbott. How gross.

347
00:17:47,370 --> 00:17:48,810
Here's your coffee, darling.

348
00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:50,440
I'll have it later.

349
00:17:52,130 --> 00:17:53,850
Oh, cheer up, Seb.

350
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:55,650
We're still 50 quid short.

351
00:17:56,130 --> 00:18:00,789
That means they'll have lunch and a fish
supper, but they'll have to miss out on

352
00:18:00,790 --> 00:18:02,290
the winkle tea and the dodgems.

353
00:18:03,670 --> 00:18:09,369
Never mind. They'll still enjoy it. Mind
you, if I'd had winkle tea and a fish

354
00:18:09,370 --> 00:18:11,549
supper, I wouldn't want to go on the
dodgems.

355
00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:12,810
Well, there you are, then.

356
00:18:13,030 --> 00:18:14,080
Bye -bye, darling.

357
00:18:14,550 --> 00:18:15,600
Bye -bye.

358
00:18:29,180 --> 00:18:30,920
Mr. Sidney Abbott. That's right, yes.

359
00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:32,150
The pool's winner.

360
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,660
Oh. I wonder if you should receive my
letter.

361
00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:38,980
Letter? Yeah, regarding the sum of £50.

362
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,240
Oh, no, I haven't had a letter yet.

363
00:18:41,540 --> 00:18:42,860
I'm very pleased to see you.

364
00:18:42,861 --> 00:18:44,539
I was getting very worried about you.

365
00:18:44,540 --> 00:18:45,199
Oh, really?

366
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,250
Yeah, come in.

367
00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:47,750
Thank you.

368
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:55,099
Of course, you realise, Mr Abbott, that
asking for financial help can be a most

369
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:56,180
embarrassing matter.

370
00:18:56,181 --> 00:18:59,639
Oh, yes, it can be. But when it's a
really deserving cause... Oh, exactly.

371
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:01,930
That does make all the difference. Oh,
it does.

372
00:19:01,931 --> 00:19:05,019
I've got some coffee. Would you care for
a cup? Oh, indeed, I would. Sit down.

373
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:06,070
Thank you.

374
00:19:06,660 --> 00:19:08,830
You've got a very nice home here, Mr
Abbott.

375
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:13,740
Yes, we like it. Very comfy. Here we
are. Thank you.

376
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,680
I haven't eaten for three days.

377
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:19,450
Three days?

378
00:19:20,459 --> 00:19:21,509
That's dangerous.

379
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:22,770
You must eat.

380
00:19:22,980 --> 00:19:24,360
You could do yourself an ear.

381
00:19:24,660 --> 00:19:25,740
Have a ginger biscuit.

382
00:19:27,140 --> 00:19:28,190
Thank you.

383
00:19:28,580 --> 00:19:32,879
I suppose it's a shock and everything.
It was a shock, all right. Well, it

384
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,020
be, wouldn't it? My entire world seems
turned upside down.

385
00:19:36,021 --> 00:19:38,959
Yeah, well, don't worry about it. Don't
let it get you down.

386
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:40,700
Go on a nice long holiday somewhere.

387
00:19:40,820 --> 00:19:45,540
Spain, south of France, Bermuda. They
say it's very nice in Bermuda. Oh, Mr.

388
00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:46,920
Rabbit, if only I could.

389
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:48,540
Well, what's stopping you?

390
00:19:48,570 --> 00:19:50,050
And I explained in my letter.

391
00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:51,590
Which I haven't had yet.

392
00:19:51,810 --> 00:19:53,510
Oh, no, no. So you said.

393
00:19:53,830 --> 00:19:57,010
But you seem so sympathetic. I felt sure
you must have.

394
00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:00,010
Yes, well, I keep putting myself in your
place.

395
00:20:00,370 --> 00:20:04,710
Well, you see, I have these nine small
children.

396
00:20:04,711 --> 00:20:08,029
Oh, yeah, well, that makes a difference,
doesn't it? Oh, yes, yes.

397
00:20:08,030 --> 00:20:09,830
Yeah, they might not like Bermuda. No.

398
00:20:11,850 --> 00:20:15,850
What you want is a nice sandy beach.
That's what you want. Mallorca. That's

399
00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,610
Take the whole family to Mallorca.

400
00:20:18,270 --> 00:20:20,150
How very, very kind of you.

401
00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:22,390
And don't stint yourself.

402
00:20:22,670 --> 00:20:23,720
Really?

403
00:20:24,270 --> 00:20:26,590
Spend a bit of it now. Spread a bit of
happiness.

404
00:20:27,070 --> 00:20:31,649
Oh, Mr. Abbott, what can I say? I do so
agree with you. Spread a bit of

405
00:20:31,650 --> 00:20:32,700
happiness.

406
00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:36,550
And I cannot think of a more deserving
cause. Oh, neither can I.

407
00:20:37,690 --> 00:20:42,190
As it says in a good book, it is more
blessed to give than to receive.

408
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:43,500
Amen, Mr.

409
00:20:43,570 --> 00:20:44,620
Abbott, amen.

410
00:20:45,460 --> 00:20:47,140
Very good, that. Well put, yes.

411
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:48,650
Amen.

412
00:20:49,020 --> 00:20:53,640
Now, in my letter, I mentioned the sum
of 50 pounds.

413
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:56,840
Yes, well, I feel that they ought to
have a winkle tea.

414
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:04,840
Well, if you feel that, then I'll make
sure they have one.

415
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:06,250
Sure.

416
00:21:06,860 --> 00:21:08,940
Can you get winkle teas in Mallorca?

417
00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:12,050
I don't know.

418
00:21:13,070 --> 00:21:14,450
You can get them in Southend.

419
00:21:16,110 --> 00:21:18,630
What we have to ask ourselves is this.
Yes?

420
00:21:19,830 --> 00:21:21,730
Will 50 be enough?

421
00:21:22,010 --> 00:21:24,710
Now, that's just what I was wondering.

422
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:30,249
Now, supposing, I mean, just supposing,
this is not a commitment, but just

423
00:21:30,250 --> 00:21:31,730
supposing we made it 60.

424
00:21:32,410 --> 00:21:34,830
Well, I was thinking of 100.

425
00:21:35,780 --> 00:21:36,830
Well, you really?

426
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,020
Unless you think that's too much. Oh,
no, no, not in the least.

427
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:44,140
You can make it 160 if you like. Can I?

428
00:21:44,380 --> 00:21:46,920
Yes. Let's give them the trip of their
lives.

429
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:48,540
Well, then let's make it 200.

430
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:52,000
Oh, no, no, no, you're going too far.
Oh, come on, Mr. Rabbit.

431
00:21:52,260 --> 00:21:53,310
200.

432
00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:54,800
You've talked me into it.

433
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,040
Then we can settle on 200.

434
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,440
Yes, but no more. Oh, no. No, enough's
enough.

435
00:22:00,820 --> 00:22:02,120
Good. Yes.

436
00:22:02,740 --> 00:22:03,790
Yes.

437
00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:06,750
More coffee?

438
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:07,810
Thank you, thank you.

439
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:14,540
Now, were you thinking of cash or a
cheque?

440
00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:16,780
Oh, I don't mind in the least.

441
00:22:16,781 --> 00:22:18,259
We'll make it a cheque, shall we?

442
00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:19,460
Yes. Cipher.

443
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:21,100
Oh, much, much. Much, yes.

444
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,540
More coffee?

445
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:29,680
That's what I was thinking.

446
00:22:33,100 --> 00:22:34,440
When can you let me have it?

447
00:22:38,451 --> 00:22:40,519
Have what?

448
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:41,570
The cheque.

449
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:47,650
Pardon?

450
00:22:47,940 --> 00:22:51,300
The cheque you're so very kindly going
to give me for £200.

451
00:22:53,220 --> 00:22:58,899
What are you talking about? The £200
you're giving me to take my ten children

452
00:22:58,900 --> 00:23:00,140
Mallorca. Eh?

453
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:01,880
Well, it was your idea.

454
00:23:03,120 --> 00:23:05,160
You must be going round a bloody bend.

455
00:23:05,161 --> 00:23:10,779
Now, listen, Mr. Rabbit, are you giving
me that money or aren't you? I am not,

456
00:23:10,780 --> 00:23:12,940
mate, and get out now. Go on, up it. All
right.

457
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:19,160
Don't give me that, you mean, mean,
mean, fisticac capitalist.

458
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:20,740
Look at the way you live.

459
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:25,519
Get out before I thump you. I'm going,
I'm going. Go on, up it. And you can

460
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:28,480
shove it. Don't you chuck your bloody
rubbish in my house.

461
00:23:37,460 --> 00:23:38,540
What's in that piper?

462
00:23:38,541 --> 00:23:42,039
Nothing, Sid. Let me see that piper.
It's nothing, Daddy. Give me that piper.

463
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:43,540
Give me that piper. Give me that.

464
00:23:43,541 --> 00:23:44,659
Hold it.

465
00:23:44,660 --> 00:23:45,639
Now, wait a minute.

466
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:46,689
Hang on.

467
00:23:46,690 --> 00:23:51,240
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